Marry, Boff, Kill!

Time to play a game. It's one I have seen around the tubes for a few years, but re-re-watching 30 Rock this week put it back in my head. So I decided to try it out here. It's called Marry, Boff, Kill (often using a less censored work in the middle there). Basically I am going to throw out three women, and we have to pick one to Marry, one to just have sex with and one to kill. And for the purposes of this excersize, we are talking about the characters, not the actresses.

Lets try some ladies from Scrubs:



Dr. Molly, the short lived shrink.



Dr. Elliot Reed, neurotic private practice doctor.



Nurse Carla Turk, know it all Dominican head nurse.


Ok, I will gladly say that I would kill our shrink. She's way to flaky to marry. And I think her penchant for 'broken' men would leave any bedroom activity rather cold.

Next I think I would boff Dr. Reed. This was tough, but I think Elliot's neurosis would drive me nuts for the long haul. but could lead to some heavy duty passion for a one time deal.

Leaving Carla to marry. Which is probably the right choice. Her take charge attitude could whip me into shape and based on the episode where she tries to hold a sex embargo (and fails because she can't hold out), I wouldn't have to worry about the sitcom sterotype of 'no sex once you're married'.

So, what say you folks? It was a fun exersize for the 10 minutes it took for me to type this up.

Toot Toot!

Bragging time. Ok, part brag, but more so that I am proud of myself. Anyone that knows me knows I can be pretty selfish much of the time. Both on a personal level, and to society as a whole. These last few months have been slightly different.

1) Increased (significantly) my contribution to http://www.childsplaycharity.org/ . for those that don't know, Child's Play was started by the guys at Penny Arcade. I was originally a way to show that world that us violent video game players could also be pretty nice. Since that day, it has raised millions of dollars (this year will likely see 1.5+ million...most so far even durning the economic issues) to buy hospitals video games for kids. Not just for the fun of it, but apparently kids with games require less pain medication, and possibly recover quicker.

2) Sent an old friend of mind presents for his kids to help bolster their Christmas. It's someone I just reconnected with, so I don't even know his kids, but it felt good to make sure they had a good Christmas.

3) This fall I donated to NPR. This is something I listen to all the time, but have been too lazy to bother to call. I made myself do it this year!

4) I let your mom cancel her appointment with me on Christmas day so she could spend time with her family.

Ok, so I'm not perfect. But I'm getting better.

Japan+Sghoul= Problems

I have long had a 'thing' for Japan and Japanese culture. From fudal Japan to modern Anime. But my research has brought me to a problem that I may just not be able to get around: The Japanese don't like sarcasm.

How is a guy who is basically formed from distilled sarcasm supposed to visit a country that doesn't really like appreciate it? One site made it sound like sarcasm is the equivalent of piking them in the eye or something.

I guess I just won't talk to anyone. Which would probably be a good idea here too.

Women+Hair: From a guy

In watching 30 Rock (I'm a new convert) there is a point where Alec Baldwin's character is talking to Tina Fey's, talking about her growing up. He says something to the effect of: 'You're going to get the urge to cut your hair short. Resist that urge.'

It really did make me think. I know quite a few women that have. and that urge goes up as they get older. I know I don't know anything about dealing with long hair. Mind you some of women's hassles in that area are self inflicted, as they refuse to let their hair be natural. But women tend to look better with long hair. With all of the things women do to try and look better, I am confounded why they would chop off one of our culture's more prevalent female 'things'.

So, in short, ladies: If you actually care what guys think of how you look, grow your hair longer.

You're different than me!

So, in a conversation with my friend V I started thinking about bigotry. Not just racial. Against any group. Gays, Christians, Races, etc.

What started it was talking about Gay folks. I wondered, if ALL gay people acted similar to other people of their gender, would people get up in arms as much? When you see someone on TV that's gay, they have a lisp or a high voice (for guys) or a butch haircut (the ladies). Gay pride parades have all kinds of overt sexual themes and costumes.

Now, I am well aware that these stereotypical images aren't representative of all gay people. But this is what people see and hear. It's something DIFFERENT than 'normal'. Normal being themselves of course.

So, if the gay people we usually saw on TV couldn't be differentiated from straight folks aside from them having sex with the same sex, would we care as much? If the footage from a gay pride parade just looked like the rose-bowl parade, would people freak about it? Heck, why even HAVE gay pride parades? Are their straight pride parades?

Anyway I got to thinking about human nature. When we are babies, some of the first things we start doing is learning how to differentiate things. Colors, shapes, letters, tones, sounds. Later we take that ability and start attaching value and connotation (I like blue better than red, Chocolate is tastier than vanilla, etc.).

So, why wouldn't we do that with people? We start life generally around people like us. As we progress, we start to see people of different colors. Assuming no one poisons us in telling us that people of some other color are different, I think most of us notice the difference (it's what we do) but don't judge it. Until something happens to change this.

Maybe some 'different' kid treats you poorly. Or other kids are making fun of the differences. Something negative happens. Now, sure, negative things have happened from those 'like you', but how do you filter that? You could. Maybe all the blond girls tease you. You start taking issue with blonds. That kid with the accent pushes you around, now you hate rednecks.

I really feel that we are wired to notice differences. And then we start putting evaluations on people or things that are different through experience and society. Everyone does it. Take races. Even WITHIN a race we do it. White folks have rednecks and WASPs. A more urban black guy may tell some other black guy that he isn't acting black enough because he wears a sweater vest. Gay people even have terms for various kinds of gay folk (like Bears for big hair men).

Now, I say all of this because I don't think bigotry and ever FULLY go away. I feel that humans are built to be that way. And, worse, so long as a segment of a group choose to REALLY be different, it will make the divide greater. I do think we can get to a point where people are generally cool. Heck, I think we are pretty close to that in some areas. But it really depends.

America showed that it can look past 'differences' by voting for Obama. Even those that didn't vote for him, I knew of few that didn't vote for him because of race. BUT, I really do feel that was because the only real difference between him and average white America was skin color. I you had taken the same man, but given him Jesse Jackson's voice I think we would have seen a different outcome. Because that would have made him too 'different' for white America. The same could probably be said for Clinton if he had headbanger hair.

Not sure where I was going with this. Mostly just the we need to acknowledge that this is something humans do. Our brains segment everything we see and do. Basically we ALL profile. I believe Chris Rock said something to the effect of 'Even Black people don't wanna walk down MLK blvd after dark'.

We will always find someone to blame and dislike. Whether it be skin color, nationality, religion (or lack thereof), social status, hobbies, whatever. Deal with it people. And if you choose to do things to make yourself even more different than the 'majority' you need to make sure you blame yourself as well as them.

More random Writing

The following was done as a writing prompt. The first paragraph was fed to us and the rest we filled in. I ended up doing 2 different stories. He is the short one. It's about cows!

I'm not sure when it started, exactly. It might have been with the series of reoccurring wolf nightmares, or maybe the ones where I was being chased incessantly. But at some point, I decided to wake up.

I knew the wolves would get me eventually. But my dreams had prepared me.

"Frank, you know I can hear you, right?"

I could hear their baying in the distance. Sometimes I could practically feel their hot breaths on my neck.

"There aren't any wolves around here Frank."

I had to keep moving. If I stayed too long in one place...well, I didn’t want to think about it.

"FRANK! You're narrating to yourself again!"

"What?"

"Where do you get this stuff from? You've never even SEEN a wolf. And what do you mean "keep moving"? You've been in the barn for 3 days!"

"Maybe not seen, per say, but I found some tracks around back."

"Those are Toby's tracks. You know, the Farmer's dog?"

"Maybe he's in league with the wolves."

"What WOLVES!?"

"I thought the narrator did a pretty good job of explaining that."

"That was YOU!"

"I think I'd remember taking a narration job, Charlie."

"You-...I-...grrrraaahhh!"

"Wow, this wolf thing really has you upset."

"hurgh!"

"We'll be fine. I have been taking some self defense courses. And I read where leather comes from. We're like walking leather armor!"

"GAH!"

"Maybe I can find someone to enchant me. Then I'd be, like, +2 leather armor!"

"Hey Frank. Charlie. Charlie, are you ok?"

*twitch*

"Hiya Sanders. Charlie is just upset about the wolves."

"You mean the ones the narrator was talking about?"

"The very same."

"I ordered a series of tapes on how to fight off a wolf attack. The first one only deals with a single wolf. I can't wait until I am ready to deal with a whole pack. You're lucky, wearing that leather armor like you are."

"Yeah, well you can fly...at least a little bit."

"SHUT UP! BOTH OF YOU! There's no wolves, no narrator, you don’t even have the money to BUY tapes, let alone the ability to order them. I mean, what company would even SELL them?"

"Amazon.com"

"Wha--fine, fine. I can handle this. Just go along. What can it hurt? Ok Frank, tell me what I need to know to protect myself."

"Hmmm. I don't know if I qualify as a teacher. What do you think Sanders?"

"First off, Charlie, I would cover that Udder. Pretty vulnerable."

"That's not an udder."

"Wait, you're a guy? My tapes only cover women."

"Same with my classes. Can't help you Charlie."

"Frank...you're a guy too. Why do you think you only have one, and that it doesn't give milk."

"Are you sure? I just figured I wasn’t done blossoming yet. And when I find the right guy, there will be some honey making insects and various fowl, and I shall experience the great gift of bringing life, which I will feed from my burgeoning udders..."

"Don’t you ever say 'burgeoning" around me again, Frank."

"I think it’s a nice udder, Frank. It'll look good when they all come in. I bet you'll be a great mother."

"Thanks Sanders. Hey, where'd Charlie go?"

Outside

"Here wolfie wolfie wolfie! Fresh beef! Won’t even put up a fight!"

Arrested...

My buddy T.H. Elliott posted this poser.

If you saw me in a police car, what would you think I got arrested for?

Answer me, then post to your own journal.