Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Florida...WTF is wrong with you?!

I am so sick of my state voting crap into our constitution. It seems to be so easy to do so, that they do it for any old thing. Worse, since you apparently don't need the help of anyone that really KNOWS anything, that means stuff gets voted on without the benefit of, youknow, THOUGHT!

I have been thinking about trying to put something in our constitution where every Floridian will get a free monkey. Or an amedment that will force any strippers in the state to go door to door and give lap dances.

In the end...don't force things on the whole state unless they belong there. A property tax thing...which also effects local goverment but gives them no way around it, is stupid. Worse, you saved me at best 200 bucks. But you cost my county and city MILLIONS of dollars. Honestly, I think cities should make a point, and cut that money from schools. That way it would get immediate coverage and hopefully get undone (like our stupid Bullet Train ammendment).

Every day, I think more and more like Professor Blight...humanity is too dumb to live.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

From the desk of Professor Blight

The poor. What pests they are. Their neediness and drain on society. I don’t mean those that are down on their luck. I mean the chronically poor. Those who have no desires or means to really produce much for the world. Or worse, simply take more than they produce.

In my city, they cannot vote. One must own land or a home to vote. This is an attempt to take power from the poor. “Why?” you may ask. I do not wish for the poor to influence society. The poor tend to simply push for government to supplement their lives, to make up for their shortcomings. And by doing so, insure that their poorness passes on. This is not something that I, or even nature’s design, wishes to see happen.

Don’t take me as heartless. We have programs to help people back on their feet. Charities. But we monitor them closely. The thought of someone’s donated money being shoveled down a hole, that is some lazy piece of meat, sickens me. The world is full of people who want to work, and work hard, and make intelligent choices with their funds. When one of those people falls, they should be lifted back up. Sadly, most of humanity has a hard time sorting those people for the others. Those people who have no skills, drive, of decision making ability. The ones who are supposedly struggling to make ends meet, yet they have cable TV and a cell phone. Do we really want to prop up the kind of being who can hardly fend for themselves, yet sees fit to bring children into the world, usually repeatedly?

I suppose I shouldn’t fret much. It won’t be long until I have isolated the various genes that make humans weak and stupid. From there it will be a small mater to devise a plague to wipe them all out.

Monday, January 7, 2008

Chapstick for other lips

Ok, the previous post spawned a rather horrible, yet possibly lucrative idea. My use of the word "Chapped" in regards to the vagina sparked an idea...Chapstick for vaginas. This product would serve (it turns out, after much talk with female friends) many purposes. I would like to thank them, as I know so little about the female body (which any past girlfriend will tell you) that I didn't realize the full ramifications of my proposed product.

Not only can said chapstick be used to eleviate the chapped-ness, but its basic shape (larger than original chapstick) could be used for more pleasurable activities. Add in the various flavored variants, and now a lady's male friend can join in on the fun! Some flavors (such as pepermint) may also work as a stimulant.

And just think of the ads! I plan to have that bearded guy from the Kaboom commercials do it. Imagine, him holding new ladies only chapstick, shouting exuberantly: "Not only can this product eleviate dryness, but with a few quick twists on the bottom , it becomes a friend for your lonely friday night. Act now, and we'll throw in cherry and spearment absolutely free!"

With a built in purchasing group of the many of post menopause women who suffer from this, and the propensity for people to become addicted to chapsick, I am shitting on a gold mine!!!! I can't wait to help with quality control testing...

Random thing I wrote in an email

This came about in an email exchange with a friend of mine. She and I were discussing writing a stroy where you describe all characters in hyper sexual ways (good and bad), but never have sex things actually happen. For some reason, I am proud of this.

So, a male lead might walk in and you describe him thusly:
The man walked into the office, as he had done so every day for years. This man was so bereft of masculinity, that being in the same room with him cause other men to become temporarily impotent, and women in the building made regular visits to their gynecologists, complaining of chapped vaginas. He set about his daily routine of spreadsheets and emailing.