So, someone where I work just got engaged. And I hear the retelling of how it happened, and how sweet and romantic it was. And all I can think is “This is why women end up in shitty relationships.”
Ladies, being romantic is not hard. Coming up with a cool way to propose (having the waiter bring the ring on a platter) is easy…because someone already came up with that years ago. Frankly, I am surprised some guy hasn’t published a book full of romantic things for other guys to do so they can get laid (another idea someone will steal from me).
Romance is a fake thing. And how romantic a guy is, at best, an indicator of how much work he will do to impress a woman. Romance is NOT an indicator of compatibility. Sadly, I think since women swoon over romance, romance can replace or interfere with compatibility.
Take joking. If I learn a joke, and later tell it, that doesn’t make me funny. The person who created the joke is funny. I just memorized it. But, some people get away with simply regurgitating other people’s materials, but rarely coming up with their own jokes or timing or rhythm. But they end up getting credit for being a funny person. Romance is like that. A romantic guy, gets credit for being a good boyfriend, without having to actually be a good boyfriend.
The main reason I bring this up, is because when I hear women talk about their boyfriends/spouses, they rarely talk about how great it is that their man always takes out the trash, or works hard to provide, or is a great father. But, on Valentine’s day (a rant is coming about that, don’t you worry) when the guy coughs up some flowers and candy, the woman gushes about how wonderful he is. HE DIDN’T ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING!!! Romance is something that was concocted (honestly, probably by a man trying to get laid) but has no actual value aside from what women give it.
And for the record, I actually like being romantic. And I do it spontaniously...random acts of kindness...singing love songs, writing poems, buying thoughtful gifts. But I don’t like how much weight women give it. Especially when they give it more weight than the actual important things in a relationship.
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7 comments:
John always talks about "levels" of love, and how everyone begins at the Eros (romantic) stage. Which is, of course, the most short-lived.
My version of this rant is about weddings, and how most of us spend more time thinking about that one day than the (hopefully) many years together ahead. Let's face it, romance is the easy part.
Romance was invented by guys who wanted to take the easiest route to getting laid.
To put it in Fables terms, Prince Charming is the ultimate romantic, while Lord Beast is the ultimate husband.
If someone is a with a woman who only cares about how many flowers you bring her, or expects you to do romantic things, she's high maintenance anyways.
I like the randomness of doing things. It gets harder when you're married, because they know you're a slob and not really romantic anymore. But you can still do little unexpected things.
I don't like big romantic gestures and agree that they are meaningless. One of the reasons my mom broke up with my dad (among others) was that he wasn't romantic enough for her. Now she is with a guy who does the cheesy romance stuff and she's happy. And my dad is with a woman who doesn't care about romantic stuff (she even forgets their anniversary) so he's happy. So, basically, you need to be at the same romance level to work as a relationship. I, too, like to do the little things that show that I really know the person, not some big cheesy thing that anybody can do for anybody. Like I do mom jokes for Todd. :-)
With Valentine's Day coming up, I guess this post struck a cord with me. I don't *expect* big romantic gestures on days like Valentine's day, or Anniversaries. It actually means more when it comes out of the blue. Little every day things like taking out the trash, emptying the dishwasher, feeding the animals, and picking up after yourself mean a whole lot more than flowers that will die, chocolate that will make you fatter and break out more, or other sappy things that are fleeting. True romance comes when you wake up with someone's morning breath in your face and are still able to say "I'm so glad that in all the world, it's you I'm looking at right now".
You sing love songs? I would like to see that.
Okay, I agree with just about all of the comments, except that I don't necessarily believe romance gets harder when you're married. For us, I think its easier to be romantic now because we don't take it so seriously.
Good post!
Yes, I do. I have sang, danced with in random situations, sent text based and video poems, and more.
Just because I ususally act like a surly bastard, doesn't mean I can't be sweet.
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