Start it off with a bang!

So, I am going to start this  blog off with a topic that will upset most folk.  Children.  Since so many people have them, they won't like what I am saying.  But I wanna say it!

I used to want children...badly.  Now, not so much.  As I have had so many new people around me have children, they have degraded that desire to almost nothing.  Why?  Because I don't want to suddenly be lobotomized simply because my sperm fertilizes an egg.

I have watched numorous people...once logical, turn into gibbering idiots because of the arrival of a creature that basically exists to eat and poop, with crying in between.  Sure, eventually it turns into something that can, you know, DO things.  But these people don't wait until then to start fawning over the thing.
From day one it controls them.  Even the most normally hard nosed people submit to its will and begin spoiling it right away.

What's interesting is that most of them are clear headed enough to be able to look outward and say "wow, we have such a kid centric culture...that's messed up!" or "I sure don't want to spoil my kid like everyone else does."  Then, five minutes later they are buying candy for the kid or planning some new outfit for a thing that can't even walk yet, or perusing the web for a toy that the child won't really appreciate to give as a mid summer gift...thus ensuring the child assumes that it will always get gifts simply for existing.  How does this NOT spoil a child?!

They always say something to the effect of "When you have your own, you'll understand."  How does that make it ok?  I don't WANT to be crushed by my biological urges.  If I was ok with giving in to instinct, I would run around in the woods and hump women when they were in heat.  But generally we acknowledge that we are above instinct.  We are supposed to be creatures of free will.  But that seems to go out the window for children.  People become baby-zombies (not undead babies, but people who become braindead droolers in the presence of children).

Here's some rules to try and live by:

1) This is your child, not a doll or show dog.  There is NO good reason for dressing them up in "outfits" aside from selfishly wanting to draw out a few "awwww, they're so cute!"'s.  And, since your child can barely talk, let alone understand the ramifications of such a statement, you are doing this purely for yourself.  And that is pretty wasteful.

2) Your child does not need fancy toys with lots of lights and sound.  Especially not 50 different kinds.  Now, sure people will give them as presents....after the first 2-3, start exchanging them for diapers and formula.  But by giving your kid access to a ton of diffeffering things you are establishing that THEY rule and get to choose what they want at any given moment...not to mention probably increaing the likelyhood that they will have some kind of fake ADD, where they never learn to focus because they have never HAD to.

3) Your baby isn't special.  Yes, everyone will say how cute they are.  But, almost ALL babies are cute.  Even babies in other species!  And even if your baby was ugly, no one is going to tell you that...except maybe me.  But, again, throwing out all these photos of your child dressed in a costume that they don't even know what they are or what they are doing when they say "trick or treat" is, again, a waste of time and money.  You are just trying to gratify yourself.  You are fishing for compliments.

4) Don't buy them shit if it isn't for a reason.  Just because it's tuesday is not a reason to buy your kid a toy.  Just because they ASKED is even LESS of a reason.  This is practically the definition of spoiling a child.  They don't need that toy.  Never.  That candy is not a necessity (and it just increases the likelyhood of us continuing to have the fattest kids in the world).  At best, buying them toys is a way for you to continue to be lazy so you don't have to deal with a whining child.

5) Your child should NOT be the center of your universe.  Yes, they are important.  Yes, they are valuable.  But nothing should ever be so important to your life that you end up basing your worth on it (except you know, God, if you are religious).  When something, ANYTHING, becomes that, it's an addiction or obsession.  And, don't we normally consider that a bad thing?  Your life should be solid and happy without your child...not defined by your child.  Because they are going to get sad or mad or unhappy.  And not every time they do will it require you to do anything.  Wanting to stay up late or they will cry is not a reason for you to cave.  Life is sometimes disappointing.  You can't always save them from it.  But if you always try to...and crumble when you can't, you aren't much of a parent for them.

6) You job is NOT to make your child happy.  That is their job.  Your job is to raise them well so they are more likely to suceed at said happiness in the long run.  If you fawn over them and cave to them, how are you in any way preparing them for life? In the real world they are nothing speical.  Everyone else has their kids they think are special too.  They need to learn they they aren't the center of things.  But if you establish that, you have failed as a parent.

7) They are not your friend.  Or at least, not your friend first.  Child first, friend whenever that doesn't get in the way of you doing your job.

8) Your child is not a tiny adult.  They do not have experience or have done anything to earn trust or respect.  They shouldn't call adults by their first name.  They shouldn't feel that they can impose themselves on adults or adult conversations.  And most of all, you shouldn't trust you child over an adult unless you have good reason to believe otherwise.

Well, enough of my rant.  In general, I will be fine.  I have job security, since the upcoming kids will be so screwed up, employers will be begging for a person who doesn't think they are the best thing since sliced bread, and has learned to make friends and compromise with people.  And I won't have to deal with my children living with me until I die, since I didn't prepare them for the world.